people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
