I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
