its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
