I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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