yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
