i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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