I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
