i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
