Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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