I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
