and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
