if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
