The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
