My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
