remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
