ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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