Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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