just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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