So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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