so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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