Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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