herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
