alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
