just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
