Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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