It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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