i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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