two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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