by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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