so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
