Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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