Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
