Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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