I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
