In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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