What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
