she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
