Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
