His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
