I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
