just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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