We're facebook friends in real life
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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