You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
