i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
