I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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