One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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