we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
