its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
