she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
