Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
