If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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