remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
